Asserting his will...

So as I mentioned briefly in the last post, Keegan is definitely making progress on becoming his own person. This started a couple weeks ago and seems directly linked with his mastery of walking.

When Keegan initially started walking he loved to hold onto your hand. Part of the was necessity to help him keep his balance, and part of it was insecurity on his part. Well that has pretty much gone out the window. Keegan is *very* adept at walking now and he seems to feel secure and confident of who he is.

Lyle and I really like Keegan to explore his boundaries and to stretch his limits of comfort. We may regret this mentality later, but I have found personally that people grow the most, mentally and personality-wise, when they can test their limits of comfort and expand them. For Keegan this new limit was walking on his own. Keegan loves crowds of people and loves exploring new places. Lyle and I didn't have a lot to do and weren't in a hurry, so we went to the mall.

We found out that Keegan does not believe that he needs to ride in a stroller anymore. That was okay, as I said we weren't in a hurry, so we let him walk. Usually he holds your hand and walks nicely beside you. Alas, it 'twas not meant to be! As soon as I grabbed Keegan's hand he jerked his hand out of mine and, with a defiant look, took off. This behavior was slightly bratty and kind of amusing. We had purchased a harness for Keegan, so this little fit got Keegan the privilege of wearing a harness. Kind of a compromise; Keegan could walk and not hold our hand as long as he wore the harness.

We meandered through Macy's; sometimes letting Keegan lead the way, sometimes not. By the time we got the entrance of the mall from Macy's Keegan was getting tired. He kept tripping over his feet. So we put him in the stroller. This was not popular with Keegan but after a couple minutes of protesting he calmed down and enjoyed the ride. That is one thing I am learning about babies. Although I like Keegan to test his limits, he doesn't have the common sense to know when he has reached his limits.

So a quick side note: the mission of this whole shopping trip was to get me a new swimsuit. I hate shopping for swimsuits. Interestingly enough I did find some swimsuits in Macy's. Lyle and Keegan came into the colossal fitting room with me so I could try them. I like Lyle to give his opinion on the suits but I refuse to walk out of the fitting room in them. Somehow the lighting in the department store is made to make you look as horrible as possible. Somehow Lyle also seems to have a much better opinion of my body than I do. These two things balance each other out. Lyle knows just what to say to make me feel like the swimsuit looks good on me and I stand and stare at myself in the mirror trying to see what he sees :-)

Something we learned about fitting rooms: fitting rooms and babies don't really mix. Keegan liked peeking under the fitting room wall into the stall next to me. This was fine until a lady went in there. Then the lady got a surprise. There is something wrong about my 11 month old son peeking at ladies changing cloths under a fitting room wall. Luckily he is cute enough that people still have a sense of humor about it.

Okay, back to Keegan walking. We went the Herbergers and Keegan was starting to get restless in his stroller. So we let him out and put his harness on. He immediately ran underneath a display table with purses on it. I gently corralled him out of there. He did it again. Keegan thought it was *so* funny to run under there because we couldn't. Finally Keegan went under the table and wouldn't move. So I crawled under and got him out. Keegan was not pleased. As I mentioned in the last post, he screamed and kicked and hit, then screamed some more. At that point I got kind of pissed off. This was no longer fun; this was about Keegan being stubborn and persistent and deliberately doing what we asked him not to. Screw Keegan testing his limits, he was just being a brat. So with screaming child under arm and Lyle trailing with an empty stroller we left the store. We then put Keegan into the stroller (more screaming ensued) and left the mall.

There were two things that really surprised me about this experience. The first was that my sweet little boy, who loved holding hands and walking and always let me lead him places, had disappeared to be replaced by a assertive, opinionated little brat. The little angel that has never thrown a fit in public; threw one. The second thing was that it didn't really bother me as much as I thought it would. I thought I would be embarrassed when Keegan threw a fit, I thought my face would get red with embarrassment and I would get stressed out and break into a cold sweat. I didn't. It seemed as natural as anything to force this boundary on Keegan and take him screaming out of the store.

This incident wasn't about the people around us; it was about me, Keegan, and Lyle. I am not sure what the second part says about me; maybe I have relaxed some in my old age. Or maybe I just know Keegan. His is outgoing, adventurous, and fearless...I have known since he was born that he was going to be a boundary pusher. It seems completely natural that we are going to have some power struggles; boundaries and discipline will be needed. It will be difficult to find the right balance between giving him the freedom he needs to grow, and setting boundaries so that he becomes a responsible, well-mannered child and adult.

Ah well, someday I will read this entry and laugh about the naiveness in letting Keegan have maximum free will. Whatever the future; raising Keegan promises to be an adventure.