Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy

So, we are fairly used to Keegan switching allegiances. One week he wants mommy to do everything, the next week it is daddy. I am also used to the Friday night "I want daddy phase". Keegan and I stay home all day together on Friday and then he is really excited to see daddy when daddy comes home. That is totally understandable.

What I wasn't prepared for was a month long boycott on mommy. When me and Keegan are together by ourselves (like Fridays) we have a lot of fun. We do lots of neat stuff. But when Lyle is there it is a different story.

When Lyle is home (like every night after work) I am banned from Keegan's presence. He is only two and a half you say...ah well he exercises what power he has. All night long I am subjected to "Mommy go away", "I need daddy to do it", "Mommy you can't come down here, I want only daddy", "Mommy doesn't get a hug", "Mommy can't read me books". And the all time heart-breaker "Mommy I don't love you."

I know the boy is only two. When he hurts himself the first place he comes is mommy. When he is sick he comes to mommy. Last weekend we were playing board games and he didn't feel well. So he came over to sit on my lap; of course he had to ruin it by telling me (As he snuggled in my lap) "Mommy, I would rather sit with daddy." I offered to move him over to Lyle's lap, but he wanted to stay on my lap...he just wanted me to know that he usually likes daddy better. Are you confused? Me too...

Okay, so he is only two. Keegan is a pretty smart cookie, so every once in a while I forget he is only two. Who knows what is going on in the two year old head. The boy goes from loving the color purple to hating it in 5 seconds. Unfortunately that doesn't mean him "not loving mommy" doesn't have an effect.

I try to look at the bright side of things. I have more time to get things around the house done if we split up and daddy does the Keegan things. I have more time to myself, it is kind of nice. On the other hand though, well, it kind of hurts my feelings and makes me feel sad. Silly, I know, but I feel upset that he doesn't want to spend time with me. I mean in another month, he will probably be all about mommy. But, a little voice in my head whispers, "What if he never likes mommy again? What if this is just a prelude to his teenage years? What if I am doing something to inadvertently make him hate me?" Do I know this is silly, you bet! Does it still make me sad...yep.

So when in doubt I turn to the source that always at least provides interesting reading. I go to Google and type in "My toddler only wants.." guess what Google fills in for me.."My toddler only wants DADDY"

Apparently I am not alone in the world. Most of the issues are around stay at home moms and the kids loving daddy more when he gets home from work. I get that, kids don't get to see dad as much so they want more daddy time. That is sooo not our issue. Then the other issue was with working mothers. In these cases mom and dad spend equal time with the kid, but the kid prefers daddy. This is harder on working moms because we already feel like we only get a few hours a day with our kiddies and to loose that time is devastating.

Is there a theory for the second issue? Of course there is, this is the internet you know! Apparently a lot of working moms multi-task (okay all moms do that, I am not trying to be biased here) but I know personally I am trying to do wash, pay the bills, get dinner ready (sometimes Lyle does this), read the mail, and do a million other things while I play with Keegan in the 2 hours that he is with us when we are home. Could I do this after he goes to sleep? Yes, and I do some stuff. But to spend every hour of my free time doing this leads to madness...I just can't do it and stay sane.

Apparently kids (especially boys) can feel nervous when mom is multi-tasking and whipping around too much. So, they stick with the parent that will sit with them and not do anything else. Lyle does a ton around the house. But he is not a multi-tasker. I have often asked him why he can't pay bills and play with Keegan at the same time :-) I guess maybe his way is better than mine in this.

Unfortunately a constant state of movement is integral to who I am. I always have to do four things at once at work and I did that in school and I continue to be that way. How else would I do all that I fit in to one day?

So then comes the question what should we do? Realistically, nothing. This is a phase and Keegan will get over it. We have already seen him picking mommy and daddy for certain things. He loves to play hockey and rough house with daddy. If he wants to read a book or color, he usually comes to mommy. I am fine with this, it makes sense. Mommy and daddy have different things they like to do.

So when Keegan wants mommy to go away, should I? My initial reaction was No! I can't let this little 2 year dictate what I do. Well, that doesn't change what he wants. After a couple weeks of forcing my company on him. Lyle and I discussed it. We decided that (as long as Lyle isn't feeling overwhelmed by Keegan's neediness) when Keegan say "mommy leave" I will leave.

Last night Keegan wanted me gone in the worst way; he wanted to read books "only with daddy". So I gave him a hug and a kiss and left. Afterwards he kept asking Lyle where mommy had gone, Lyle is like "Well you wanted mommy gone so she left." Keegan went to bed. 15 minutes later I hear crying over the monitor "I need a kiss from mommy! She didn't really leave did she?" So I went down and we talked about how he makes me feel sad when he tells me to leave and how would he feel if I told him to leave. He said it would make him feel sad. We hugged, kissed and I thought good, issue solved.

Then the same thing happened tonight. He wanted me gone, I left. But this time he never wanted me to come back down :-( Ah well, issue not solved. I guess we will just have to wait this one out.

I leave to go out to the plant for a few days early November, I am kind of looking forward to it. Maybe Keegan will miss me and be happy to see me when I get back. Hah, how sad is that? I try to remember he is two...this isn't a popularity contest. I am surprised though at how sad it makes me, even though it doesn't make a lick of sense. Ah, the joys of being a parent. I can't imagine how I will feel when he is in his teens and hates his parents ;-)