Waiting for the Sky to Fall

Since Lyle and I have been married we have had good times and bad times. Initially we struggled financially to pay for our new house, wedding, etc. Then we went through a couple years where we lost a number of our animals to cancer, kidney failure, etc. These couple years really sucked; losing a pet is like losing a family member and it was a tough time to go through. This was followed by Lyle finishing his college degree at night. Shortly after (during) that I got really sick. I was sick for over a year, continuously losing weight and constantly nauseous, until they found out that my gallbladder was not working properly. So then I had to go through sugery for that. Then we built a new house, moved, and I got a new job. I absolutely hated my new job. I loved the people there but hated the job. Then suddenly after years of just trying to hold ourselves together, things improved...a lot.

Lyle started doing contracting, and with his new degree, he got paid really well. My old work called me and asked me to come back to my old job (which I loved). I started to feel better. The animals stayed healthy. We finished our basement, we tried to spend more time with friends, we took a great trip to the Mediterranean. Then I got pregnant. I had an excellent pregnancy and had a beautiful, healthy baby boy. Lyle and I started our own corporation; and Lyle started working though that. With Lyle making a great salary, I was able to start working part-time so that I could spend one day a week with Keegan.

To put it bluntly, the last couple years have been wonderful. Lyle has constant work, I like my work, Keegan is a smart healthy boy, the animals are healthy, I am getting to see my sister again, and our parents are healthy. It was been wonderful. Given the first few years of our marriage and all we went through (I am not saying it was horrible, people go through much much worse) I am beginning to cringe, just wondering when things will start to go wrong. I mentioned this to Lyle last night, he said not to curse us and not to worry so much.

Seriously though, can people have things go really well for a long time? I am waiting for Lyle's contract to fall through, for me to get laid off, for an animal to get deathly ill, for someone in the family to get deathly ill. For something bad to happen. I think the holiday season makes me a little paranoid, and especially Thanksgiving always makes me consider how much I have, how happy I am, and how much I have to loose. Why is it that the happier you get, the more you have to loose?

It's silly, but I can't shake the feeling that we've had it TOO good the last couple years. Of course, yesterday Lyle finds out his contract has been extended another year. On top of that his work place is moving to the campus that I work on. So now we can meet for lunch and carpool and all that jazz. Things are getting even better. How silly am I to be suspicious of all this goodness? I guess maybe I am more of a pessimist than I ever thought. I just keep my fingers crossed and hope that everything doesn't fall down at once. Our lives are so precarious and so easily destroyed, I will do my best to enjoy all the goodness and happiness while we have it.